What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:08
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But it wasn’t much.
All the time i was locked up.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What are some hard rock or heavy metal bands that are overrated?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But, we were locked up after school.
When she asked me how she looked .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
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She wouldn,t have been !
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
If there is an abandoned house with no owner, can I live in it?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
So whats the point in blame.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What are some very specific groups of people you just cannot stand?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Why does my mother care about my sister more than me?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Do people really have sex with animals?
Im still living with it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I think the readers, may guess!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I have no regrets .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I don,t even have a pension.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She loved him until the end.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot live in the past .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What did i know ?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was 9 years of age.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She found it foreign!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We all went to grammer schools
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was scared of men, in general
It was going to be , some day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Comes on , in middle age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I said to her
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So, i spoilt her more .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was seconnd youngest,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I will be 64.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was in good health!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My family never makes their pension either.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Who then, do I blame.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Ive learnt so much.
Would this be the day?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were not on the streets..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i lived it daily.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
(And it was in our own minds.)
I waited trembling.